I have compiled this post incredibly quickly so I hope it reads okay. I feel it's about time there's a positive piece written on co-sleeping as I feel a lot of people have the wrong
preconceptions associated on the subject, which is a shame! So I’ve researched around, and found some interesting facts regarding sleeping with your babies...
Attachment
parenting at night is about more than where your baby sleeps. It’s an attitude
toward baby’s night-time needs, an acceptance of your baby as a little person
with big needs, twenty four hours a day, and seven days a week. Your infant
trusts that you, his parents, will be continually available during the night,
as you are during the day, so you adapt your night time habits to fit your baby’s
needs. Your night time parenting strategy may change depending on your baby’s
stage of development and your own adult needs.
If you are
willing to be flexible, and let go of the common expectation that babies should
be ‘taught’ to sleep from the very beginning, you will recognise that you are
not spoiling your baby or letting him manipulate you when you welcome him in to
your bed.
"Often times I felt ridiculous giving my seal of approval to
what was in reality such a natural thing to do, sort of like reinventing the
wheel and extolling its virtues. Had
parents’ intuition sunk so low that some strange man had to tell modern woman that
it was okay to sleep with their babies?" – Dr. William Sears.
We have it all upside down in our minds, we are told not to
hold and pick up our babies too much, not to spend too much time rocking them,
not to respond to their cries. All because we are afraid they might get used to
being loved, respected and cared for. How can anyone suggest that children
should get used to being deprived of our love, only because they might grow up
to actually expect more of it from us, their parents? What is so wrong with
expecting to be loved by your loved ones? The only thing you gain by giving
your babies your unconditional love is teaching
them what a wonderful feeling it is not to feel alone in this world. And
when they know how great it feels to be loved, they will be more than happy to
offer the same in return, because they will have it in them. And because that
is what loving people do, they love.
Benefits to Co-Sleeping:
Mother
sleeps better, knowing her baby is safe.
Baby sleeps
better, and tends to wake less often.
Baby cries less.
Increased
responsiveness to your child’s needs.
Stress hormones are lower in mothers and
babies who co-sleep
Breastfeeding
is easier, night feeds in general are easier and more comfortable.
It helps
babies to thrive.
It promotes
trust.
Stable temperatures, more regular heart
rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing than babies who sleep alone
---> Besides physical developmental advantages,
co-sleeping may also promote long-term emotional health. In long-term follow-up
studies of infants who slept with their parents and those who slept alone, the
children who co-slept were happier, less anxious, had higher self-esteem, were
less likely to be afraid of sleep, had fewer behavioural problems, tended to be
more comfortable with intimacy, and were generally more independent as adults.
@Ali__Dover
showed me this quote taken from context by Claudia Spahr – “We are the only
mammals on the planet who are systematically cruel to their new-born separating infants from their
mothers at birth, leaving babies to cry, kicking them out of the warm family
nest. And then we wonder why modern society is so dysfunctional and violent.” With
the exception of ‘runts of the litter’ etc.’ there’s no denying this lady has a
point, whether you like it or not.
I myself
never set out to co-sleep, I went out and bought my first born a Moses basket
and a cot very quickly, like most expectant parents, as this is what we are
advised to do so by Health Visitors and Midwives throughout the UK. However,
when my new-born did not take to sleeping by himself, I naturally cuddled up to
him in my bed and he would fall asleep, naturally, almost instantly, no
training needed, nor wanted in my household. All he required to sleep was the
want and need to be snuggled up close. Why would I stop him from getting a
peaceful night’s sleep by attempting to ‘train’ him with ‘controlled crying’,
away from me, when in reality all a baby wants, is to be loved, and to feel
secure and content. I wasn’t up for upsetting my baby, so his Moses basket went
unused, and then after that his cot went unused.
At five
weeks my baby was admitted to Addenbrookes with an illness which turned out to
be a strain of Meningitis - his co-sleeping helped even more at this point and
the hospital facilitated this 100% with pleasure, infact almost all the nurses
commented on how quickly he would fall asleep and how peaceful he looked – even
being so ill at this time. During this period co-sleeping made it easier to
ensure my baby was sleeping peacefully whilst being on a drip of antibiotics. If
he moved I knew the flow of antibiotics had stopped and called the nurse
promptly – in a timely manner I might not have been able to achieve had he have
been in a cot away from me. He recovered quickly, and with no side effects.
What I don’t
understand is why co-sleeping is so under looked within our society, why isn’t
something so natural not normalised within our culture. You shouldn’t ever have
to feel ashamed to say ‘I co-sleep with my baby’ or feel as though you are
doing something wrong which many other mums try and make you feel. If anything
you should reverse your thoughts and feel ashamed to admit ‘I sleep trained my
baby with ‘controlled’ crying.’ I know if I am lucky enough to have another
baby – the next would also be a co-sleeper, but this time by choice. Now I am
aware of the bond it creates and the positivity it has all round.
The cot was invented in the 19th century, with
the idea that a child needed to be raised off the ground to protect it from deadly fumes believed to be below knee
level, and explosive vapors up near the ceiling, with good air in between it
was thought.
Does this apply to modern day England? I'll let you decide that for yourself.
Up until the 19th
century co-sleeping / bed sharing was practiced worldwide! Today co-sleeping is
practiced worldwide too, just generally not in the EU, where it appears to be more
frowned upon.
There are many preconceptions that a baby can
die whilst co-sleeping, the fact is, a baby can and will die wherever it
sleeps. All I can presume is this preconception must be thought up by people
who do not and never have co-slept, as in actual fact, it is near
on impossible for you to not notice even the smallest twitch or breath of your
child if you are co-sleeping.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, also known as 'Cot Death' in the UK is of course, the major argument against co-sleeping. This is because some parents pose threats
to their babies due to their behaviours and conditions, such as; smoking, drinking
heavily, taking drugs, skin infections, obesity, or any other specific
risk-increasing traits. If you are overweight it would be ridiculous to sleep
next to a baby where there was no room for it. As for drink and drugs, don’t do
it whilst you’re co-sleeping. If none of the previous statements apply to you then your baby is much more unlikely to sustain
injury sleeping next to you in your bed than he/she would be in a cot. Also it is worth to bear in mind, the actual
cause of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is actually unknown medically, so for that to put parents off of co-sleeping
makes no sense. It is also worth bearing in mind that all SIDS risk factors also apply to your baby that sleeps in a cot, just as much as they do to a baby that co-sleeps.
For instance:
Infants can become trapped and strangled if their clothing gets caught
on parts of a cot that stick out, or if their head becomes trapped between
gaps.
Babies lack motor skills and strength to turn their heads should
they roll into something that obstructs their breathing.
Infants can suffer injuries to
their arms and legs if they become trapped between gaps.
A baby can suffocate simply from laying facedown on a mattress which is too soft. It is also possible for a baby to come trapped and suffocate if they fall into gaps created by an ill-fitting or additional mattresses.
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I don’t have anything against parent’s using
cots, at all. If my son slept in one from day one wilfully then he would be in one now too. My problem lies with parents' who use cots like its the ONLY option and the parents' who look down on co-sleeping. It clearly is your own choice how and where your baby sleeps. Like
I said previously, my son had a cot bought for him and I was going to use it up
until he was born - it was his choice not to use it, I simply went along with
his needs as a newborn, and that was simply; me, cuddles and my bed. Now 18 months on he is still in my bed, but he also understands where his own room and bed is located. In his own time he will pursue sleeping by himself at a pace he desires as an individual - but not by me pushing him. All babies/toddlers/children
are different, all adults/parents are different, do as you please, just don’t judge
other parents’ by where their baby or toddler sleeps. Whichever choice you choose obviously works for you, so enjoy sleeping with or without your baby :)
For more information, please visit the links below, of which I used to
compile some of this context:
